i’ve been sitting here with my fingers resting on the keys for what seems like forever. i’m trying to figure out the direction of this post; what i want to say and what i hope you take away from it. i’ve been absent lately – not because i had to be. it’s simply been out of sheer doubt in my ability to put together any semblance of what my feelings are right now about life. my little family has been on a winding road the last couple of months. we have faced loss and sickness and sleepless nights – and it has taken its toll. selfishly, i reflect on myself and see that i have really been in a funk. it has been difficult for me to dig my way out. i am defeated. i am tired. i feel like i’m not doing a good job at being a mom or a wife. life right now is emotional and exhausting – and i just want to take a break.
it’s a hard fact to face: i know that i have a choice. i can choose to be angry. i can choose to be sad. i can choose to let exhaustion consume me. i can choose to see the negatives in every situation. or i can choose to change that. i have that power. every day i wake up, i can look for the good and see the positives ahead of me.there are days that i want to turn my light back off and sleep. there are days that i can’t see any type of light at the end of the shit-filled tunnel. but i am only human and that will happen. the thing to remember is – no matter what is ahead of or behind you – in the end, the only things we have are our family, our friends, and our health – those things truly make life rich. and i consider myself to be very wealthy.
so if you’re having a hardship right now or are going through something, you are going to be okay. change happens and so do bad things, but look ahead and look around you to see how rich you are in life. it will get better.